To feel or not to feel… that is the question

I noticed I touched on the subject of feelings just a smidge in my last post. I believe I initially had the intention of elaborating more on that specific idea without bringing in the embarrassing story but what can you do. I guess I can find another way to address this because it does hold quite a significance in my day to day thought process.

It’s really incredible the human brain.

What’s even more incredible is its relationship with the human heart. It’s like our brain is the gatekeeper in which it can choose to allow certain things into our heart or turn them away. However, this doesn’t mean it’s always good at its job.

It’s crazy how one half of the day I can feel so pessimistic about the things I want to do and then the other half I’m like “wow this is so exciting, I can barely contain myself.” Logically, I know that I want to be doing these things, but man… is it something: how deceiving the negative feelings can be versus what I know to be true. It’s really scary, actually. It’s scary how much power our ‘feelings’ (something intangible and comparable to binary code) have over our simple movement and decision-making.

I’ll use Do What You Will as an example.

I love creating. I love making music and poetry and video and art. And this project, as a collective, allows me to engage those muscles. But sometimes, the thought of making absolutely ANYTHING… is repulsive to me.

I don’t care to.

I don’t wanna.

And it’s not the simple ‘oh I feel lazy today’.

No. It’s… no cares. No one will ever care. If I don’t care right now then why should anyone else care, ever?

I get caught in this comparison web of ‘well my voice could sound better’ or ‘they use professional mastering engineers’ or ‘this isn’t musically intelligent enough…’ and probably eleven other things, to be real with ya.

But here I am. Here it is. Some of it. A fraction.

I truly started making music because it was cathartic. At first, I only wrote poetry (some very sad boi poetry), then it transitioned to “making beats” and then studying recording techniques. It hasn’t been smooth sailing by any means but I’m so fortunate. Fortunate to continuously be blessed with a renewed faith and clear vision of what’s ahead.

Beautiful things.